I want to shine, I want to rise

And for some reason the option for Youtube videos doesn't want to work. So no video today. Just for information - the song was going to be Break me Down by Red. I'm so loving Red these days. I think the only thing that can take me away from them is Snow Patrol.

So... three more weeks to go.
I'll be out of school. I can't wait for it to be over.
I just have to concentrate for my final projects and exams. And then... Summer of 2014 here I come.
Of course my head is all over the place. My emotions too. They just can't seem to find enough strenght to be left behind.
It's actually a little bit weird because I don't actually feel... anything. There are some things like a little bit fear, sadness and happiness... But just from time to time. And this itself is really scary.
I've never felt so numb.
I have no idea how I feel. Honestly.
It's like... “I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”
Yeah.
Emotional times again. I can honestly say I didn't miss them. But...nah, whatever.

It's a good thing I'm awfuly busy lately. Both working and graduating from high school has it's benefits. I don't have enough time to overthink anything at all. Not that I'm not thinking about all kind of things. But it's better to think for a few hours than whole day long. Right?

Today I wish for a magic clock. A clock I can use to fasten time and wake up on 5th of June. My nerves has their limits and I believe I've reached those limits. I'm strongly sensing this weird feeling I have just before a storm. I can see how mean I am and how my moods are changing every ten seconds. I can see how annoying it is for everybody else. And I still can't stop being like this. Not until everything is over.
Trust me I know how melodramatic this sounds. It's like... just high school. And still SGSAG is not just high school. Ít's hell. No one outside of it can't understand it. I've heard a million times I'm overeacting and it's not that bad. Trust me, it is. It's a place where a person like me can't survive. Maybe a lot of people will like it. People who are into two-faced people with a very strange and comitted love for rules. And giving up their lives just to be perfect. I don't mind people like that. They have the right to live like they want to. It's just not me. And I won't make it me. Ever.

I was at the semi-final of I Can Build today. Out team placed first. You'll say congratulations. Please don't. Spending six hours with even more rule lovers made me wanna scream for a little bit. Am I heading to another thing like this in London? Because if that's the Architecture profession reality I want out. Now!
I'm so grateful there were some cool people to keep me company and get why my mood is super ironic the whole time. Like... Come on! It's a high school competion not the end of the world. Of course we all put a lot of hard work to come up with the idea and the realization but still... it's just a high school competion. Why all that... I don't know how to call it.
So yeah.
Next week I'm going to Plovdiv to the final. I'm praying that there will be some cool people as well.
Please let there be....

At least I have Dancing Stars. Working is really making me feel good. As you can imagine there are a lot of things there that bother me. I mean... it's pretty much like I am bothering myself. But I think it's too long and too dramatic to write for all of this inside drama of mine. You guys already know how many issues I have.

So... is that it?
I have no idea. I just felt like writing before I explode.
Do I feel better?
No clue. But I feel something.
Is it enough?
Probably not. But it's a start.